Just a place where I can put my mind at ease

First original artwork I've ever bought

So as a I'm rapidly approaching the big 3-0, I'm having a pretty hard time processing it.
Literally none of my plans or my "things to do before you turn 30" have been fulfilled, and I'm not gonna lie; it's absolutely terrifying going into my thirties as an absolute failure.

But that's another post for another time.

As for right now, I want to talk about what I've spent my money on!
Honestly, even if it wasn't on my bucket list, it should have been. I'm doing my best to fill this summer with things to anticipate and garner joy from, just to keep my emotions at least a little bit more balanced. This one is probably the thing I'm looking forward to the most thus far, and it was a fairly impulsive, spur of the moment purchase.

I've been following artist Dustin Bailard on all available plattforms for quite a while, and I absolutely adore his work. As my ridiculous luck would have it, he was selling a couple of his original artworks the same night I got some of the worst personal news of 2018. And going on no sleep, into the night of a terrible day, one week before my birthday...well, it was a recipe for impulsive buys.
He had some of his coffee witches with their feline friends up, and I was hoping, nay, PLEADING with the universe that he would have this lovely little green witch and her little green furry friend for sale, because they captured my heart when he had posted them on his social media. And lo and behold, they appeared in the store!

With a little mental acrobatics and some back and forth, I decided to take the leap and bid on the artwork. And I got it. And I lost my marbles.
I was so overcome with joy that I was certain I would trip over my dogs and knock myself out. You know, just for the univeral balance of it all.

I was afraid I would go to bed and wake up and regret it all, but I am so happy that I actually took the leap and bought something from someone I admire.

Look, I get scared of everything. People say that fear is never a good reason not to do something, and even though I'm inclined to agree, fear stops me from doing a whole bunch of things in life. For once I didn't let it stop me, and I'm sososo glad that it turned out this way.

Oh. My. Goodness!!!

I managed to get back into my account after all these years!

I'm taking this blog back. This is going to be fun!

Ben Wilson, Chewing-gum man

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ben Wilson is a London-based artist who creates tiny works of art by painting onto chewing gum stuck to the pavement.
Wilson started experimenting with occasional chewing-gum paintings in 1998, and in October 2004 began working on them full time. He has created more than 10,000 of these works on pavements all over the UK and parts of Europe.
Wilson heats the gum with a small blow torch and then adds lacquer to harden it. He then uses special acrylic paints to create his designs. The paintings can take up to ten hours to produce.
Wilson's work has been featured by the media, including the BBC, This Is Local London, Raw Vision and The Daily Telegraph. Two short documentary films have also been made about Wilson.
In 2005 Wilson was arrested in Trafalgar Square, and in 2009 he was arrested by the City of London Police on suspicion of criminal damage, although the case was dropped a few months later.

I mean, how amazing is that!?

Mozart Requiem

Ok, so it's 5 am and I am not sleepy. Nothing new there. I'm listening to Mozart's Requiem for like the 500th time. It's absolutely stunning.
It's so dark and tense, I love the emotions in it. Classical music has to have a personality for me to pay any sort of attention, and I can honestly listen to the whole Requiem on repeat for days if I have to, it's jsut that good.


Song: Nat King Cole - Smile

So yeah, it's been a rough couple of months.
However, the most important part of the past 6 months is that I've actually managed to get through my first semester in over 5 years, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I'd make it. Even mom was surprised that it wasn't harder for me.
Mind you, out of 2.5 classes, I almost failed one of them, and that teacher has now singled me out among 60+ students as a bad seed.
So, not much has changed since high school I suppose.
Anyway, things have slowly been tearing at the seams for quite a while, and we all know what I do whn the world is being dumb? Yup, I sleep.
So, with my father talking to me and not my mom, I'm stuck in the uncomfortable position of being a "buffer". It's all ... I don't know, sort of contrived. We talk so super-nicely together, but neither one of us believes it, and the whole charade is exhausting.
He put us in a position where I could have this conversation with someone:

Person: So, how did your family celebrate the holidays?
Me: The "family" isn't really celebrating, dad left on christmas eve.
Person: Oh? Where to?
Me. Don't know.
Person: When will he be coming home?
Me: Don't know.
Person:...WILL he be coming home?
Me:...Don't know...

I mean COME ON, that's a shitty thing to put your family through, no matter how much you "hate" them. (I honestly don't know how that man feels about us, but I'm not sure "hate" is the right word)

Mom and I went through his computer room and found tickets to a fantastic hotel in sunny Lanzarote. The guy spent over $700 to get away from us. And didn't even get me a christmas present (though that isn't really anything new)

So in the buildup to this the tensions have been flaring at my house with a sort of passive-agressive state of "I can ignore you more than you can ignore me"
And it's tearing my mother to bits, she's at a crossroad in her life and I know she feels the pressure of making an important choice. But damn it, I'm tired of this.

Anyway, during this time I've slept. ALOT. Cancelling every kind of social gathering I was invited to. People have gotten quite sick of it, and honestly, I don't blame them. I would get sick of me too if I didn't know that I had some personal issues to deal with.
But yeah, I haven't really heard from any friends in this period. And I don't want to do the whole damage control just yet, because it's not over. So I'll just try to ride it out and see what happens.

My exams went well but the whole process up until the second time we stepped into the examination room left me quite drained.
I did so much work, and was so unreliable in showing up that I not only exhausted myself, I also emotionally drained my partner. I let her tell me exactly how she felt after we were done. She needed to get it off her chest, and I didn't really see the harm in it because I knew pretty much what she was going to say.
Unreliable, careless, wouldn't work with me again unless something changed etc etc. I didn't really expect the word "disrespectful",  but I suppose I was being disrespectful in some form.
Thing is, and we both know it, my hard work and quick thinking got us the final grade. I usually try to make up for my shortcomings, but I understand that this isn't necessarily as visible to others as it is for me.
I try not to let it bother me, telling myself that things will fix themselves in time, but yeah...
School starts in 2 days, and I've been completely isolated in the livingroom with my mom for the past week and a half. We occupied that room and wouldn't leave. We have it 'till friday when dad comes home. (Yes, he has been wonderful in text messages etc.)
I have no idea how school is gonna go. I haven't really been able to reload my batteries because I know that a heapload of shit awaits. However, I feel confident that I can pull of another semester, turns out I actually like studying to become a teacher. Go fig.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul

Yes, I rarely post here anymore, I'll try to fix that soon. I started obsessing with Tumblr, but that site has its drawbacks, so I'll keep this blog open.
Anyway, I found out (later than everyone else apparently) that The Lonely Island guys are kinda awesome. While I searched for their videoes, I came over this one by Gnarls Barkley, featuring Jorma Taccone from Lonely Island.
The song is beautiful, but the video is extra-ordinary. I love the visual of it all, and also the fact that the song is in the background of the story, like a foundation.

So yeah, obviously new movie post

Yes, seems like the only things that can trigger my will to write a blogpost is a good movie. Does that mean anything? Maybe I should become a movie critic? Obviously I'd have to write about movies I don't like as well, so maybe that idea is a bit too farfetched for someone as lazy as myself.

Anyway, awesome new movie that I have put off watching for way too long: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Yes, I know this is a "must-see" movie, but I usually fail to see those types of movies. I'm still avoiding Slumdog Millionare, so that must say something?
Anyway, Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet in the lead roles. Yeah, maybe that's why I waited so long, I had a hard time imagining those two having any type of on-screen chemistry.
Turns out (as usual) that I was kinda wrong.

The movie is sweet, and unusual. And once you get past the annoyance of not understanding what the hell that is going on, it becomes quite enjoyable.
I must say I hated the sub-plot and consequently the ending. I found it unecessary and it kind of ruined the beauty and the "destiny". Had the two characters managed to meet after erasing each other and had a chance to experience it all over I think I would have liked it more.
I just didn't see the point in Kirsten Dunst being in love with an old man and then fucking up everything in  the end. If she wanted her memories back that's fine, but it does not mean that everyone else shared her sentiment.
That sorta ruined it for me.
And what is up with Kirsten Dunst appearing in most of my new favorite movies? I don't dislike her, but I don't actively go out seeking her newest flick. What is up with thaaaat???

ALSO: The Raven, and Edgar Allan Poe movie is being filmed and is to be released ...uh...sometime in 2011 or 12, I dunno, it doesn't say.
I'm glad, but I just read the synopsis, and it sounds kinda lame comared to what one could do...

"A fictionalized account of the last days of Edgar Allan Poe's life, in which the poet is in pursuit of a serial killer whose murders mirror those in the writer's stories. "

Uhm..yay? At least we'll get to experience more than just "The Raven" but EAP wrote more than just horror stories. I do hope that at least some lines from "Annabel Lee" are in there somewhere

John Cusack is set to play Poe, and I think that he can pull it off. I would have been devestated if they'd cast Depp. Still, Michael Sheen dressed up as Poe this Halloween, and the likenes is uncanny!

Also, here is Annabel Lee:

It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of ANNABEL LEE;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea;

But we loved with a love that was more than love-

I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsman came

And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,

Went envying her and me-

Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,

In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we-

Of many far wiser than we-

And neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,

In the sepulchre there by the sea,

In her tomb by the sounding sea.